bitter sweet

back on planet earth after riding some pink clouds. back after forcing myself off the pink cloud. ouch! falling from that cloud is pretty painful.
forcing myself not to fall back in old patterns. it's always the old patterns. why do we fall back in old patterns? forcing myself to keep all to myself. forcing myself not to care, not to worry, not to think. forcing myself to look beyond my first impression. forcing myself to get over the doubts.
useless forcing?
forcing myself to keep going, forcing myself to shut my eyes, forcing myself to sweeten the bitter taste. forcing myself not to exaggerate. forcing myself not to show how i feel. forcing myself not to think of myself as blind. forcing myself to be comprehensive. forcing myself to be patient.
forcing myself to sleep. useless forcing?
forcing myself not to ... do the same mistakes. forcing myself in a complete useless way. forcing myself to understand. forcing myself to sleep. really should get some sleep.
forcing myself to end this useless post. forcing myself to see a logic in what i just posted.
o insiruire fara legatura si fara logica a unor idei. asa cum vin in minte, fara ca un gand sa-l intrebe pe celalalt daca exista vreo legatura intre ele. fara sa traga un bilet cu un numar, pentru a fi aranjate intr-o ordine inteligibila.